


warm my bones and fill my glass (I will try to make things right)

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: if this love is pain (then darling let's love tonight) [21]
Category: SKAM (Spain), SKAM Austin, WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: ALL HAIL THE FLATSHARE FAM, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Crack Ships Away, FINALLY A WTFOCK CENTERED FIC FOR THIS SERIES, Family Fluff, Fluff, Found Family, Home, M/M, Milan is Sander's father figure and you can quote me on that, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slice of Life, but here's something, for Sander over a year after he moved in, i need my found family goodness, i will never forgive wtfock for breaking up the fam at the end of s3, it's been fifty years, listen the flatshare is a family, sander pov, so i lost a lot of inspiration for wtfock, well it went canon divergent a long time ago and this is the result, what was the purpose of that shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-02-23 07:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Sander still, to this day, can remember the chill of sleeping on those benches for several nights. That’s not a feeling you tend to forget- that kind of chill is something that lingers in your bones like a stain that can never be entirely bleached away. He can still remember the desperation and sheer loneliness he felt, that feeling of being completely alone and unloved in the world.But despite that memory haunting him, there is something to be said for the fact that he’s felt safe and warm here in the flat for over a year, now. He hasn’t been genuinely worried about getting kicked out since before the New Year’s after he and Robbe got together, which was almost a year and a half ago.They care about him, he knows, just as much as they care about Robbe. Zoe pulls him into late-night hair-dying sessions and Senne ruffles his hair and Milan pulls him into hugs nearly every time they pass each other.If you’d asked Sander two years ago if he ever would have expected to feel as accepted and loved as he does now, he would have shaken his head. He wouldn’t have believed you.But now?(Sander and the flatshare family, a year and a half after moving in.)
Relationships: Milan Hendrickx/Dani Soto Peña, Sander Driesen & Milan Hendrickx, Sander Driesen & Senne de Smet, Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans, Shay Dixon/Claire Cho, Shay Dixon/Original Female Character
Series: if this love is pain (then darling let's love tonight) [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550230
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	warm my bones and fill my glass (I will try to make things right)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [themoongirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoongirl/gifts).



> Title is from "God I Hope This Year Is Better Than The Last" by SYML.
> 
> Quick refresher for everyone as the last Sander POV was actually the *fifth* fic in this series (can y'all believe we've gotten this far?): Sander in this AU does not have bipolar disorder. Instead, his backstory was that he had an abusive mother as a child and was taken and put into the foster system, where he proceeded to have a series of mediocre-to-actual-shit families who often neglected or outright abused him when he came out, in the case of the final one who he actually ran away from. He lived with Britt for a year after that, but then met Robbe. He left Robbe after the bashing, he then kissed Britt in front of Robbe at the party, but then he broke up with Britt and Britt kicked him out (under the impression that Sander actually had a friend to stay with, though she never actually checked in with him, so eh). Sander proceeded to become properly homeless for about a week, sleeping on benches and the like, but eventually he ended up going to the flat and Milan offered him a place to stay. After every was explained, he and Robbe got back together, and they've been together ever since. For more details you can read the rest of the series :)
> 
> (Aka I am sticking with the headcanon/backstory/explanation I gave Sander back when we knew notthing even if the rest of the world is deciding to stick to canon because I am JUST. THAT. ATTACHED.
> 
> Also I'm still kinda frustrated with the writing of the season, and maybe my writing isn't that good, but at least it's fucking CONSISTENT with his behavioral tics/things that happened and followed through with them. Also, I didn't fucking drop the aftermath of a hate crime after only a few clips. Writers of WTFock, take notes.)
> 
> Also, ALL of Sleeping at Last's Atlas: Space EPs (at least Sun, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto, so like, a shitton of it) are totally Sobbe songs in this series because I've based them completely in temperature (Sander) and space (Robbe) metaphors and like all of those songs somehow really fit them anyway.

_With golden string_

_Our universe was clothed in light_

_Pulling at the seams_

_Our once barren world now brims with life_

_That we may fall in love_

_Every time we open up our eyes_

**_-Sleeping At Last,_ Sun**

Dani visiting is rather strange, considering he's the only older sibling that any of them have, the only sibling that they grew up with. Isak's father had a daughter a couple of years after him and Marianne got divorced and of course Marti's father has the son he had when he was cheating on Maria (a fact that none of them have ever been able to forgive him for), but that's not the same. Isak is somewhat fond of Liesel and Marti has actually (just the once) invited Ludovico to Antwerp, but Dani- he’s different. He knows Cris almost as well as they do, has been there her entire life.

But no matter how unique of a guy he is in terms of coutnerparts, the thing is that he's a pretty ordinary dude. Really easy-going, pleasant to talk to and look at, an average soccer player and a loyal friend. Nothing _too_ special about him.

...Which basically means that none of them possibly could have expected Dani actually flirting with Milan when he visits.

No, seriously. Sander blinks at Dani and Milan as they stand in the hallway, heads leaned in towards each other, clearly engrossed in each other. "You didn't tell me that your brother was into guys, Cris."

But Cris is gaping next to him, jaw nearly dropped. "I didn't know."

A fact which is only reinforced when Dani enters the kitchen where Robbe, Sander, and Cris are standing to grab a beer of his own. Cris hits Dani's arm. "You didn't tell me you were into guys!" She shouts, smile threatening to split her face open.

Dani blinks at her. "I'm not," he says, that same naive confusion on his face that Sander has gotten used to seeing on Aaron's.

"Oh shit," Robbe mutters into Sander's ear, "Do you think he honestly doesn't realize?"

Sander looks at Dani, at the furrow of his brow, at the pure confusion on his face, and he's dumbfounded to realize that Dani honestly has no clue, and Sander honestly has no idea how you don't _realize_ that you're interested in someone that you're flirting that hard with, how you don't recognize desire. It's one thing to be in denial because of internalized homophobia, but Dani doesn't seem offended by the idea, just somewhat baffled by it.

It's hard to look over at Milan, at the guy who Sander pretty much considers a father figure of sorts since he's been letting Sander and Robbe live here for over a year now, and realize that he's going to be fighting a bit of an uphill battle if the guy he likes doesn't even realize that he's into guys.

So Sander glances away. He looks into their living room and finds Shay, Flora, and Matteo hanging out in the corner, their own little squad within the large one. It's an interesting grouping, two of the newest counterparts hanging out with Matteo, who's been here longer than Robbe and Sander.

It's a strange thing to think about- Robbe and Sander aren't the newbies anymore. They haven't been since the beginning of last fall, when Lucas VDH showed up. There are now three couples separating them from that status, despite Robbe still technically being the youngest among them as the only one still in high school (not for too long, though, as he’s graduating in just a month or so, which Sander couldn’t be prouder of).

Sander and Robbe- for the first time in their lives, they're established. They've found a home. They have two families who accept and love them.

(Sure, it _is_ a little bit strange, Sander knows, to be the only ones of their counterparts (save Michaël, who's also Flemish, but then again he _is_ from Brussels, and is the son of immigrant parents, so...), to still be living in their home city, to never have moved out, to not be initially foreigners to the place they've come to call home. It's a bit strange to have found their home without having to leave the city they were raised in, the city that Sander couldn't wait to leave just a couple of years ago.)

It's nice to feel established in a family, both the ever-expanding counterpart family and the one here in the flat. It's not a feeling that Sander has ever really gotten to enjoy before-

Which is all leading back to his desire to see Milan (and to an extent, because Cris is both his friend and Robbe's counterpart, Dani) happy. If Dani likes him and he likes Dani, only Dani doesn't realize that, then he's going to have to find a way to help Dani realize what he's really feeling.

“Well,” Sander says the moment that Dani wanders off again- _back_ to Milan, still as gentle-hearted and supportive as always. “It looks like we’ve got a week to get Dani to realize that he has feelings for Milan.”

“How can we be sure he has feelings for Milan?” Robbe asks, raising an eyebrow, and Cris just snorts.

“Robbe, honey, have you _seen_ the way he looks at Milan, the way they were just flirting? It's as sickening as it was watching Lucas VDH and Michael before they got together."

"She's totally right, you know," Claire says as she bounces over to them, moving with a dancer’s grace that very few of them possess. "I saw Dani and Milan flirting. And I'm totally down to matchmake."

"Good," Cris says, "Because so are we."

Sander, Cris, and Claire clink their cans of beer together as they exchange mischievous looks, and Sander has the feeling that Claire would most likely fall into Slytherin if they ever decided to make official Sortings again.

-

When Sander falls into bed next to Robbe that night, he can’t help but think about the family here in this flat, about Zoe and Senne and Milan and Robbe and him, this little found family that came from such disparate backgrounds and backstories.

Sander still, to this day, can remember the chill of sleeping on those benches for several nights. That’s not a feeling you tend to forget- that kind of chill is something that lingers in your bones like a stain that can never be entirely bleached away. He can still remember the desperation and sheer loneliness he felt, that feeling of being completely alone and unloved in the world.

But despite that memory haunting him, there is something to be said for the fact that he’s felt safe and warm here in the flat for over a year, now. He hasn’t been genuinely worried about getting kicked out since before the New Year’s after he and Robbe got together, which was almost a year and a half ago.

Sander helps pay for rent with his job. He does one of the main chores every week (usually cleaning the bathroom, as he’s the only one of them that actually doesn’t gag at the idea of cleaning the toilet. He’s had foster parents who made him clean far worse than that, and his tolerance for nausea is far higher than the normal person’s). He sleeps with Robbe and eats dinner with the rest of his flatmates and at this point, he’s as much as part of the flat as any of them.

They care about him, he knows, just as much as they care about Robbe. Zoe pulls him into late-night hair-dying sessions and Senne ruffles his hair and Milan pulls him into hugs nearly every time they pass each other.

If you’d asked Sander two years ago if he ever would have expected to feel as accepted and _loved_ as he does now, he would have shaken his head. He wouldn’t have believed you.

(When Sander was a child, before his mother was arrested and taken away, she'd told him over and over that _Love only burns you_. She'd slapped him and hurt him and all he'd learned was that _your love only burns those you love._

When he'd been cold, he'd been convinced that he'd finally found a way to prevent her words from coming true.

Now, though, he knows that she was wrong. Love doesn't burn- it warms. It comforts. It soothes. It wraps you up and keeps you safe.)

But it’s true, and it’s here. Sander curls up in bed with Robbe and he knows that this is his home, a word he has never learned to take for granted.

“Aw, you’re thinking sappy thoughts again, aren’t you?” Robbe says with that soft smile of his, the smile that Sander fell in love with so long ago, and all he can think about is how lucky he is to have Robbe, this beautiful boy who understands Sander like no one else, not even his counterparts, does.

“How can I not when I’m with you?”

Robbe grins, leans forward, and kisses Sander’s nose, reaching out a hand to run his fingers through Sander's hair- a gesture Robbe really loves to do and Sander loves to receive.

And here is Robbe, the final part of his home, the most important part of his home, the boy he loves, the boy he wants to spend the rest of his life with, if he's lucky enough.

-

They go out to a club the next night- a Saturday night, so there’s no school and Sander’s off work- with Cris, Joana, Dani, Milan, Claire, and Shay.

Getting Milan here wasn’t as hard as Sander had thought that it would be. He thought he would have to come up with some elaborate excuse to get Claire and Cris’ plan to work, but it had only taken a “Dani’s gonna be the only older adult there” to get Milan to agree to come along.

Once there, Milan and Dani end up pairing off near immediately and dancing together. Maybe Dani might not realize he likes guys, but he’s certainly having fun dancing with Milan.

And for a good half hour, the rest of them all dance together as well. Sander gets to dance to his heart's content with Robbe, alternating between silly and sexy and swaying, dancing as the sweat begins to gather at his neck. He gets to watch Robbe's grin, gets to see him move without care, gets to see him happy without a weight on his shoulders- a sight that Sander has been lucky enough to get to see more and more as they've gotten more and more comfortable being in public over the year since their first date.

Around them, Cris and Joana and Claire and Shay dance as well. Neither Cris nor Joana is a very good dancer, though their enthusiasm more than makes up for it, while Claire is trained modern dancer and so she makes every movement effortless, whether contemporary or hip hop or jazz. She moves with a grace that none of the rest of them have, though Shay manages to keep mostly up with her so they're a bit of a sight to behold whenever Sander glances over.

“I was not expecting this to go so well,” Claire says at the bar when she, Cris, and Sander go to grab drinks for them and their respective partners, who are sitting together at a booth, talking and occasionally taking not very subtle glances at Milan and Dani.

"Milan and Dani?" Sander asks, and Claire nods.

"Not after what Dani said about not liking guys."

Cris snorts. "Hermano's having plenty of fun over there right now, though."

Sander's eyes flick across the club to Dani and Milan are dancing, grins on both of their faces. Sander recognizes Milan's button-up (top two buttons undone) as the shirt he wears when he's trying to impress a date.  
  
"I'm pretty sure Milan is, too," Sander says with a grin.

-

They get back to the flat for the night and Milan turns to Sander and Robbe. “Tell me the truth,” he says, “Are you two trying to matchmake me and your friend’s brother?”

Sander and Robbe exchange a glance and then: "Yeah?" Sander admits, unsure whether or not Milan will be annoyed (and desperately wishing he won't, because Milan has been nothing but the best family for over a year, but Sander can't help but get somewhat anxious any time that that family situation is threatened because this is the first time he's felt permanent and getting that ripped from between his fingers would ruin him).

Sander's worry, though, is all for naught as Milan's face splits into a brilliant smile. "Fantastic," Milan says, "Dani is _insanely_ cute- and really sweet, too."

"He's really supportive of his bisexual sister, too, if that makes him more attractive," Robbe adds in, and Milan's smile only grows.

"That definitely does," Milan says, then throwing an arm around each of their shoulders and gives each of them a kiss to the temple. "You know I love you two, right?"

There's something warm in Sander's chest, something that's only blossoming because Sander finally has the warmth and support that he was deprived of for so long. He smiles back at Milan, warm and _happy_ , before glancing at Robbe, who's looking at both of them with the fondest of looks on his face.

"Yeah, we do," Sander says, and by god does he mean it.

-

The next day is pretty normal. Sander is working on his portfolio for school, Robbe is doing homework, and Milan is out doing...something.

(Sander doesn't really keep track of the schedules of people who aren't himself or Robbe. He knows when family dinner is with the flat, knows when hang out nights are for all of the counterparts, and that's about all he needs to know about the people who live outside of this room.)

But Sander's thoughts- well, they're normal for him, but not exactly welcome.

Just because most of the nightmares are gone, just because Sander finally feels safe, just because both he and Robbe are still going to therapy at least once a month, doesn't mean that everything has fixed itself magically. It doesn't mean that the memories of abuse and getting bashed in the streets are gone, that Sander isn't having to deal with the Bad Days and the bad thoughts.

And today- well, it's not a good day. Sander's having a hard time summoning any sort of overwhelming joy that he can sketch, the only thing that seems to be exiting his pen dark sketches of figures lying on the ground instead of the planets that have been dominating his recent sketches since Robbe started telling him all about the parts of the solar system that fascinate him so much.

He takes a breath after an hour of this, of these horrors, stands up, and sets his portfolio aside on his desk (Sander's been so grateful that Robbe's room- now _their_ room- is so big as it allows room for a small desk for Sander on the side wall _and_ a desk for Robbe at the same time). He pushes back his chair and stands up, running his fingers back through his bleached hair.

His therapist told him awhile ago that while it was good to use his art to work through his more negative emotions, whenever he recognized himself dwelling in them for too long it was time to set down the pen and find something else to put his mind to.

So he kisses Robbe's temple on the way out of the room, not saying a word so as not to distract from his homework, and then heads out into the living room. Senne's out there, playing that video game that he and Robbe like so much but that Sander could never really get into.

Senne glances up as Sander enters the room, expression of determination and focus for the game shifting into a welcoming smile. "Hey, San," he says, all casual, as he always does. Unlike Milan, he doesn't call Sander 'kid'- something that Sander's kinda thankful for as Senne is only a year older than Sander, unlike Milan, who's got a good three years on him. Senne hefts the controller. "Wanna play?" he asks, a teasing glint in his eyes.

Sander rolls his eyes. "Nah," he says, "I just needed a break from work on my portfolio."

Senne nods, understanding crossing his expression, and pats the sofa next to him. "You can sit and eat all my Cheetoes if you can stand watching me play."

Sander grins and shrugs. "Sounds good to me." Mindless, entertaining fun and food, with him commentating Senne's game (Senne once told him that he actually kind of enjoyed Sander's constant artistic criticism of the video game)? Truly a great afternoon.

-

An hour later Robbe emerges from the bedroom, wearing that hoodie of his that makes him look like the softest bean in the world, and Sander smiles at him. "Get a lot of work done, lief?"

"Plenty," Robbe says, heading over to plop down right between Sander's legs. Despite their own personal work-throughs with showing affection in public, they've never been anything but comfortable here in the flat or in the common room. Robbe then reaches forward and grabs the extra controller on the table. "Mind putting this on multiplayer?" he asks Senne, who nods with a grin.

Sander is more than content to sit there, Robbe in front of him, Senne beside him, watching his boyfriend and his flatmate go against each other at Mario Kart. There's something comforting and reassuring about this, these casual moments between this family that Sander is so lucky to have, that he'll never be able to take for granted.

-

The conversation (and the game) halts about an hour after that when the front door opens and Milan enters, holding hands with-

"Holy shit," Robbe mutters, proceeding to crash off of the side of the track onscreen.

"Agreed," Sander says with a grin, giving Milan a thumps up which earns him a thumbs up in return as Dani and Milan head down the hallway to _Milan's room_.

"Looks like Milan has a new boyfriend," Senne says, sounding just as happy for Milan as Sander and Robbe are.

"Don't worry," Sander says, leaning over to pat him on the shoulder, "I'm sure that Milan will still want to have Croissants on Vrijdag with you."

Senne rolls his eyes. "Of course he will," he scoffs, as if there was never any doubt- which there wasn't, actually, as Sander had just been joking.

-

Later that night, after Dani has left with a brilliant smile on his face and Milan's number in his phone, Milan is nearly bouncing as he moves around the kitchen, looking as on top of the clouds as Sander was the night he and Robbe kissed for the first time.

"So..." Sander asks from his seat eating a midnight snack od cheese-melted-over-pretzels at the table. "How'd your time with Dani go?"

"Well..." Milan says, but he clearly can't contain his excitement as he plops down on the chair opposite Sander. "I'm gonna have to start learning how to flirt in Spanish because _someone_ finally kissed me today."

Well, clearly Dani finally realized that he actually liked Milan without anyone actually needing to be there to tell him.

"Congratulations," Sander says, "I'm happy for you."

And he's being completely honest. There is nothing in the world that he wants more than for his family to be happy, for Zoe and Senne and Milan and Robbe and all of their counterparts to be happy and find someone who will treat them right. (Though his counterparts _do_ already have that last one already figured out.)

Milan reaches forward and pats Sander's hand. "That means a lot, you know," he says with a smile, and then proceeds to steal one of Sander's pretzels.

"You dick," Sander says with a snort as Milan pops the pretzel into his mouth with a smirk.

"You love me anyway," Milan says as Robbe enters the kitchen. He'd gone back to their room to go back to work on his homework, but he seems to have decided on another break. Sander stands up, moving his plate out from under Milan's grabby fingers, and offers it up to his boyfriend.

"Want a snack?" he says, and Robbe smiles at him.

"As much as I love the offer, eating after you _and_ Milan might not be the best idea in the world."

Sander shrugs. "Alright, more for me, then." He does, however, lean in and press a quick kiss to Robbe's cheek.

"You two are adorable, you know?" Milan says as Robbe gives Sander a kiss in return before turning to the fridge and opening it to pull out a snack of his own.

"Oh, we know," Sander says with a smirk. "You wish your were on our level."

"Or our level," Zoe says, poking her head in the doorway to the kitchen. She's still wearing her jacket, having been out with the girls all day, but she's barefoot and smiling.

"Milan's got a new boyfriend, by the way," Sander informs her, and Zoe raises a curious eyebrow as she strips off her jacket.

"Oh? What's his name?"

"Dani," Robbe says, having finally decided on some string cheese. "Dani Soto, to be exact, Cris' older brother."

"Cris as in your friend Cris from Spain?" Zoe asks, eyebrow rising further, and Sander and Robbe both nod. "Well, that's going to be interesting."

Milan shrugs. "Hey," he says, "I'm up for trying a long-distance relationship. Never done that before."

"I think it'll work out," Sander says, thinking of Arthur and Jens, thinking of Marti and Nico, who moved here a year apart from each other, thinking of several couples he knows that have worked out long distance. He believes in Milan and Dani- he's sure they'll be able to work things out. They're both loyal and patient- far more than anyone has any right to ask from them- and they'll be able to work through whatever happens together.

"Thanks for the faith in me," Milan says, and Sander shrugs.

"No problem," Sander says, "As long as you stop stealing my snacks."

Milan shrugs. "I don't know if I can promise that," he says, giving Sander a crooked smile, and Sander turns to Robbe and Zoe.

"Then when they break up because of Milan's food kleptomania," he says, tone teasing, "Tell Milan not to come crying to me." He then heads out of the kitchen with his plate, hearing Zoe and Robbe's giggles behind him.

"Sander Driesen!" he hears Milan call after him, tone mock-offended, but Sander just continues on his way, smile affixed to his lips.

This is his family. It's small, and it's a bit unconventional, but it's his. Milan and Zoe and Senne and Robbe, teasing and loving and supportive of each other. Sure, they've had their issues, but they always work things out, and they're always there for each other.

They are the lights and the warmth of Sander's life, and he would be happy to spend the rest of his life here, between these walls, with these people.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, with as many characters as there are in the series at this point, a lot of the fics in this series are only going to focus on a few of the fandoms instead of all of them at once. It's a lot easier to work with 6 couples than with 9, and even then, we often didn't have everyone together when there were only 6 couples before. This definitely won't apply to every fic- an upcoming Lucas VDH fic features almost everyone- but for my own sanity these will tend to feature a section of the characters instead of all (kind of like the Cris fic I just posted, the one with just Evak and Elu, or the one where I introduced Claire, Flora, and Elena). Hope y'all are cool with that!
> 
> As always, I'd love to hear your opinions on this fic! Comments are always great for motivation and inspiration to get through writer's block on later fics (and just to get through finals during this really, REALLY, weird time).


End file.
